In life everyone faces some hardships, and others have it worse than the rest.
You just have to get through the bad before you can truely understand what its like to deal with what you think is the worst.
I know I dealt with a lot in my life, but I also know that there are people worse off than I am,
I am just glad I have coping mechanisms. Some of them are bad choices, and others are good choices.
I am not going to talk about what makes me feel better, because life really is a climb, and you just have to fall before you catch yourself in the act.
It took me a long time to realize that, and a long battle to see it.
I could tell you my life story right now (without the things I prefer to not talk about) and you would think my life was pretty childish.
Which, it was, because I allowed myself to be a child. Unlike most children of this time, who think they need to grow up before they should.
I hate seeing when a young girl or boy is talking about having sex. They aren't even 13 or 14 yet and they are having sex? To me it's wrong and I don't like to hear about it, but I do anyway. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 15 years old and it was to a guy I barely liked, I just wanted to "fit in" I guess.
That was a bad choice, because I do regret what I did, but the past is the past and I can't change it.
I made more mistakes then deciding if I wanted to do adult things too, and I guess shit happens.

I watch these kids, they are great kids too.
However, they have these problems, they are all kids with disabilities. It's hard to handle one child with disabilities but 3 is just a handful.
I am greatful, though, because they are my love and probably one of the reasons why I decided to stay (not talking about suicide).
I just turned 18 a few months ago and of course, I had the choice to move out right away, but I didn't because, 1.) I had a friend who is pregnant that wanted me to be around because her mom was unsupportive of her and 2.) These kids.
You never really understand things like a brain tumor or neurofibrosis or even autism until you see it for yourself.
It took me so long to be as patient as I am with these kids.
I mean, I am a teenager (technically) so I do get mad, and I do yell.
But I stopped yelling at everything and I take a step back on most situations that are stressful.
Mackenzie, Troy, and Anthony really taught me how to be as patient and caring as I am today.
I love them so much and to know that Mackenzie has to have surgery on her hips is a scary thought, and one day she might have to have another surgery, she is the one with the brain tumor. It has affects on her speech and her thought process. She can't remember everything and sometimes I worry that she is going to have to get the tumor removed from her brain. Troy, he has a thing on the back of his head that is going to have to be removed when he is around 10 or 11 that is apart of his neurofibrosis. I hate to think that he has to go through that, and now he is showing signs of ADHD too. He has a hard time paying attention, he gets really hyped up on sugar and caffiene, he can't stay still unless its for television, and he always has energy. I know he is only 6 years old but I do watch those signs. Anthony, he is the oldest and he has Autism. It's not an extreme form of it, but he does have a hard time concentrating because of his Autism and ADHD.  I found out about his autism when he was 12, and that's when his parents found out too. It's a social problem, he acts like a 8 year old, and you can tell he does. I mean he has the process of a 13 year old boy going through puberty but at the same time he is still a child who plays with his toys and throws temper tantrums.
These kids though, they really touched my heart with what they have, and I love them all.
They have quite a climb through life and I believe they are going to be great, if they put their minds to it.

I guess the point I was getting across was, everyone is different.
We all have our issues and we all want to talk to other people about it,
and it takes a really good friend to be able to understand and listen to them.
It takes a true person to not judge others for their faults and mistakes in their lives.
Life is hard to understand, and if you can't help yourself first, then don't help others.
It takes a selfish person to understand the needs of others.
(I know I said selfish.)
It takes a selfless person to help others, but they don't understand themselves.
(I know I just said selfless people don't understand themselves.)
And it takes just one person to read this to know that they can look at themselves and reflect on their own lives and think of the times when they said their lives were the "worst."


NOW to make everyone feel good about themselves.
I want you to do something,
its a simple assignment as some might say and this might be hard too.
I do it to keep myself from falling into the "bad" times.
Look at yourself in the mirror, it has to be a mirror, not a camera where you can see yourself.
Remove anything that covers your natural face, piercings, make-up... everything that can be removed. If you have something that can't be taken out or if you have a tattoo then leave them on. Just take off your make-up and the piercings that can be taken out or whatever you have on your face that can be removed (get it let your raw look be on)
This is something that might seem easy at first but it really is a challenge to do.
What I want you to do is look at your natural face in the mirror.
Look into your own eyes and tell yourself, "I am beautiful, I am intelligent, and nothing in the world can tear me down. Because, I like the way I am and I don't care what others think of me."
Say it like you really mean it,
it is a way to make yourself feel good.
Even if you already feel good about yourself, it opens up a new thought process.
Because honestly, if you can't tell yourself you are beautiful or you can't be comfortable with your own skin and your own body then how can you be comfortable with anybody else?
It took a long time for me to do it, and I have done it too. You may feel stupid at first,
but you feel better after you can say those things to yourself in the mirror, with meaning.
It takes a strong person to tell themselves they like who they are, not how they feel about another.
Anybody, I mean ANYBODY, can tell you, that you are pretty or beautiful or anything, but if you can't say it to yourself, how can you believe another?
Well, I love you all and you are all in my world beautiful.
Good Night DE!